Okay...so i thought that i could be like everyone else, being able to depend on themselves, being capable of doing things that normal people could do. However because i was born with Cerebral Palsey it not only affects my leg muscles but also part of my brain, which includes problems with numbers and short term memory. Before i never ask for help never really relied on anyone i thought i could do it myself, that i was strong, but i realised today at some point in life you will need help and rely on someone, you can't do everything by yourself. It has just recently hit me about my mental problem and that it is finally affecting me big time as alevel is alot is not alot harder than GCSE. I need help. After what happened, havng my exam, reality has hit me. I used to take my subjects lightly like i had done in GCSE but because i already have exams coming up theres no time to waste. The other week i saw part of Desperate Housewives (i dont reali watch it i only saw like a clip of it) and it was about one of the Housewives who had a son that had leg problem (always on cructhes,limping,he couldnt really do anything for himself), couldn't walk properly and his mother supported him throughout his whole and thought him how to be independent but that the opposite for me but still does'nt meant i dnt need help. I havent reali been close with my mum but after what happened to day which was a disaster i think God made it into something good, he helped me and my mum bond closer. My parents has always supporting me and i never really thought about it much. After watching Desperate Housewives i realised that they are always there to support me because of my 'disability' and it's only been today that i really looked for their help.

Another thing is that i never really told anyone about my Cerebral Palsey because iv always been paranoid about what other people thought of me, that thier view of me would change, and that they would notice my problem and keep staring about my feet, cause some people wouldnt even notice that i had it until i told them. I never really told anyone also because i didn't want anyone to look down on me and become friends with me out of pity. Yea thats another thing, sorry guys but sometimes i just think that i know you are my friends but just sometimes i think you become friends out of me cause of sympathy and pity but i don't want to think like that, i know that you guys like me for who i am. Hope you can understand what i'm trying to say here. So yea cause of this i've had difficulty trusting people, well i don't really share with people just keep stuff all to myself. I'm not pointing anything at you guys but i thought i should share a little.

And also i'm not as smart as other people because of the damage in my brain, so i guess you can call me stupid? :P Told you i had a reason! Kekeke~

But yea i just felt that i had to share this and i hope you guys kinda understand what im saying cause iv tried to talked to people about this kinda stuff but i dnt reali think they understood. And its kinda the first time iv talked about it in this much depth.